I'm sure glad they solved all the fricking important problems before they decided on going after streaming mp3s, because, really, when I think of all the things going wrong in the world today, streaming fricking mp3s are the absolute bottom of the list.

What I wouldn't give for someone in Congress to represent the people, instead of just screwing us constantly. I'm waiting for them to just ban listening to music altogether.

It will show people that Washington gets it, and that it's time to provide some relief to Americans, to Missourians who are trying to support their families and are paying these very high gasoline prices.

New technology is encouraging large-scale criminal enterprises to get involved in intellectual-property theft, quite frankly to fund terrorism.

Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly.

An internal staff report by the United States Embassy and the military command in Baghdad provides a sobering province-by-province snapshot of Iraq's political, economic and security situation, rating the overall stability of 6 of the 18 provinces "serious" and one "critical." The report is a counterpoint to some recent upbeat public statements by top American politicians and military officials.

Under the agreement, illegal immigrants who have lived here for five years or more-- about seven million people-- would eventually be granted citizenship if they remained employed, paid fines and back taxes and learned English.

Illegal immigrants who have lived here from two to five years-- about three million people-- would have to leave the country briefly and return as temporary workers. They would also be eligible for citizenship over time, but they would have to wait several years longer for it.

Those immigrants who have been here less than two years-- about one million people-- would be required to leave the country. They could apply for spots in the temporary worker program, but there would be no guarantee.

The RIAA has been known to suggest that students drop out of college or go to community college in order to be able to afford settlements.

When the English tongue we speak,
Why is break not rhymed with freak?
Will you tell me why it's true
We say sew but likewise few?
And the maker of the verse,
Cannot rhyme his horse with worse?
Beard is not the same as heard
Cord is different from word.
Cow is cow but low is low
Shoe is never rhymed with foe.
Think of hose, dose,and lose.

With 250 billion dollars the United States could have purchased...

...more than 80,000 of the world's biggest truck!

We like things big in America, but South Africa and Australia get to have a modest glut of the world's biggest truck. According to the truck's creator only 50 to 75 are ordered every year. Why would we ever need to go to war again if we have 80,000 of these trucks? We could just drive over anyone who opposed us like some sort of apocalyptic monster truck rally.

...298,412,466 Sony Wega 23" LCD HDTVs!

That number may not seem to clarify the issue, but it is an HDTV for every single person in the United States of America. Man, woman, child. Old or young. Everybody gets an HDTV from Sony courtesy of the government. Even better, the actual cost of doing this is only about 235 billion, leaving another 15 billion to actually ship the things all over the country and probably enough on top of that to buy a DVD player for everyone. Too bad the Democrats were too busy falling over each other to be the first in line to vote for the Iraq war. They really could have pitched this one to the people. "Guys, look, we could go get misguided revenge and blow up Iraq…or…we have this beautiful 23 inch crystal-clear Sony HDTV for each and every American citizen." The thing is, this is probably going to cost another 250 billion, so why don't the Democrats pitch this to the American people now? "We'll bring the troops home and hey, everybody gets a TV!"

...every adult man and woman in Iraq $16,000 and a plane ticket to the United States!

This probably isn't such a hot idea now that most of them want to smack us in the face with shoes, but instead of invading their country to get rid of Saddam and turning it into an apocalyptic hellstorm of violence we could have just flown everyone who wanted out to America. They'd have a nice startup nest egg. They could put a down payment on a decent 3-bedroom house somewhere in the Midwest, get jobs and live the life of freedom we seem to cherish so much. Everyone's happy! The money we gave them goes right back into local economies, we get a bunch of great folks from Iraq to enrich our melting pot culture, all of the people who hate Saddam get to leave him in the dust, and the dumb jerks who like Saddam can stick around.

"Thank you for calling the Internal Revenue Service. My name is Mr. Monopoly, and my employee ID is..."